The Wandering Minstrel

In retirement, I continue to regularly communicate with my former colleagues - one of them sent me this tongue-in-cheek overview of retirement relocation options in an email today. If you find any of this politically incorrect - well - see the disclaimer in the sidebar.

You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where…

1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You’ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can retire to California where…

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

You can retire to New York City where…

1. You say “the city” and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is “nature.”
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You’ve worn out a car horn.. (ed note if you have a car).
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can retire to Maine where…

1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. Every compass direction is “Down East.”
6. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can retire to the Deep South where…

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. “Y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is plural.
3. “He needed killin’” is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either “in yonder,” “over yonder” or “out yonder.” It’s important to know the difference, too.
6. The 4 seasons are: cold, cool and humid, warm and humid, sweltering heat and humidity.

You can retire to Colorado where…

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
5. You need supplemental oxygen when you shovel the snow.
6. The 3 seasons are: warm and pleasant, cold, bitterly cold.

You can retire to the Midwest where…

1. You’ve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: “Where’s my coat at? “
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, “It was different!”
6. The 4 seasons are cold, floods, tornadoes and hot.

AND You can retire to Florida where..

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind — even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
6. The 3 seasons are: warm and humid, hot and humid, severe weather storms.

I haven’t been on-topic with regard to the pro-second-amendment stance of this blog. I blame distractions such as my recent retirement, a subsequent venture into Arizona and the beginning of our efforts to fix-up and sell our home. We have a lot of ’stuff’ we need to do. The purging of the junk has begun.

Today, we took some old electronics (surround-sound, tape deck, VCR we no longer use) and donated them to a nearby charity thrift shop. I spent a couple hours dismantling the old setup including removing all the old cables and hookups behind the furniture and electronics stuff. We’re going to do a lot more dismantling too, since the ’stuff’ has been accumulating for over thirty years.

Some of the stuff I plan to sell on eBay - an old C-band satellite receiver, some old ‘ham’ radio gear and various furnishings and items that still have some value to us and, hopefully, to someone else. We’ve come a long way, but have a long way to go.

As for the 2A blogging, we’ll try a little harder to get some gun interest and RKBA topics going. We ought to be seeing some of the Chicago Gun Case happenings real soon now.

And I thought I was going to have a lot of time on my hands . . . sheesh!

Our last vacation to Arizona was the second time this year we rented a trailer. This time, however, we did not rent the trailer until we were over in the Phoenix area. I figured that we could save some time and expense by heading out early to the rental facility in Mesa, Arizona, and camp a few miles from there on our first night at Apache Junction, so that’s what we did.

This (clickable) image is from the morning after as we were getting ready to break camp and hitch up to head out to a part of Arizona neither of us had ever visited, down through Pima and Safford, winding up in Willcox along U.S. highways 70 and 191.

We can report a lesson learned on this trip; driving the six or seven hour trip straight through to Mesa takes a lot out of us. On the way back, the Better Half had the idea that we should stop at a pet-friendly motel somewhere near the halfway point. I found one just a few hundred yards from the Colorado River along I-10 in Ehrenberg, Arizona. We were able to relax there, the dog was welcome (with a modest pet cleaning charge) and we watched Monday Night Football as opposed to going another almost four more hours to get home.

Good choice - next time, we’ll stay there on the way out to Mesa as well.

The last several trips out of town have (partially) been driven by our desire and intent to relocate to a more second-amendment-friendly place. With that goal in mind, we started looking into acquiring a travel trailer that we can use while traveling to potential relocation sites and (possibly) as a temporary residence outside the state while we look.

Clickable Image - one of the rigs we looked at today.

The last couple of trips, we rented a 24 foot rig from a major RV rental company which I towed with our 6.0 liter equipped SUV. With that experience, the Better Half and I will be OK with being in a travel trailer for a limited time in order to establish residence and to find or build our new home.

Today, we drove to one of the area’s larger RV dealers and looked at some of the rolling stock available. I was surprised at how nice some of these are and at a price that seems very reasonable. First things first, though - we need to get our current residence on the market, and that involves getting rid of a lot of “stuff” and some “fixing up.”

Those trailers looked pretty good, though . . . This last trip did little to curb the wanderlust.

This has been a very good road trip. We’ve seen lots of old west nostalgia, beautiful scenery, interesting places to visit and, most of all, the delightful task of adjusting to retirement. Take, for example, our conversation tonight:

Better Half: We have a long drive tomorrow, if we’re going to get home in time for Monday Night Football. Why don’t we just stay halfway or something and relax?

Minstrel: Yep, Let me take a look on the Google map. (Pause) - OK, we’re booked into a place near the Colorado River on the Arizona side.

Better Half: Goodie. (Pause) - I’m sure glad we don’t have to be on time anymore.

Minstrel: America - F**k yeah!

Clickable Image - Superstition Mountains seen from Apache Junction, AZ

Well, the day is here. My hitch with the aerospace mill is finally over and I am officially retired. I played the “Get out of Jail Free” card today and it feels great.

The pre-retirement kabuki took some figuring and planning, but it’s all done and now we can relax and enjoy. We’ve already applied for the Better Half’s NRA Life Membership (mine has been effect for a couple of years already). We’re not going to significantly add to the arsenal until such time as we’re relocated to outside of California, obviously because of the bullshit gun and ammunition restrictions in La La Land.

Maybe the ultimate “Get out of Jail Free” is to put the formerly Golden State, and the shithole it has become, behind us once and for all.

This could be me in a few months. Living in a temporary home, like this RV ranch (somewhere in Arizona) while shopping for our new home.

Yep, yep, yep . . . Big hat, tank top, lightweight cargo shorts, flip-flops and a dog. No hurry to change anything. Taking our time to secure a permanent home while enjoying an idyllic life style.

Note to self - shave the dog before summer gets here.