The Wandering Minstrel

Well, the tax bite isn’t as bad as I was led to believe when I groped my way through an initial cut at it last month. It turns out that we had enough withholding and deductions to come close to breaking even.

I try and plan things to break even and, up to the prior tax year, it generally worked out that I would owe the Feds and State a small amount. That’s the way I like it, not having to depend on a refund, especially from the Peoples Republik of Kalifornistan, who have trouble paying in actual money. They issue a ‘voucher’ in lieu of a check or credit - Monopoly money any way you look at it.

Things are different this time around since my status transitioned from employed to retired. I had no clear idea how things would work out. It turns out that I owe the usual small amount to the Fed but, unfortunately, the State is going to owe me some chump change.

If I do get a voucher, I believe that my credit union is buying them from members only at face value. They can better afford to deal with any delays that Brokefornia might have in making good on their IOUs.

Well, all the forms have finally arrived and I can now start in on the 2009 income Tax Return. This time, the preparation will be as complex as it can be for us since the 2009 tax year was a hybrid of employment and retirement. I counted a half-dozen 1098 and 1099 forms in addition to the last W-2 form I expect to receive, hopefully, forever. The 2010 tax year should be a little less complicated.

I mentioned in a December post that I got a sneak preview of the 2009 liability which dulled my Christmas spirit somewhat. So, like Don Corleone, I insist on hearing bad news as soon as possible. I’m doing the Turbo Tax Interview stuff as I write this, so I should have a rough cut in a day or so. Then, if the news is really bad, I might file the Daschle/Geithner Alternative Tax form (not included with my copy of Turbo Tax as was the case with Tim Geithner’s copy).

More developments as they occur . . .

We’ve been reading David Codrea’s Second Amendment New Year’s Resolutions over the past several days. Today’s update to the list is “buy a gun.” We fully intend to do that this year, but being on a fixed income in retirement, we have to carefully allocate our funds.

So, I sat down at the computer and used a spreadsheet to plan a budget for the coming year. I analyzed our income from the several sources available, our expenses for the recurrent necessities of life and the potential to allocate funds to recreational things such as vacations and firearms (purchasing guns and ammo plus target range fees). In order to visualize those things, I plotted some graphs of income allocation, basic recurring expenses, cash flow and surplus (if any) cash.

The good news is that we will likely have the cash to acquire a few of the little things in life that give us pleasure. We’re not exactly in the lap of luxury, but we’ll be OK. Until the Obamination cuts us off, that is.

Merry Christmas from the Better Half and Minstrel!

. . . either to be jolly, or to get a head start on your taxes - which currently is canceling out any jolliness the holidays might have generated for me.

I set out this morning to do a budget forecast for 2010. This is important since it will be my first full year of retirement and I need to set up distributions and withholding.

Throughout the day, I studied our spending habits, our real estate holdings, our potential income and all the little things that might happen to us that cost money. I used an Excel spreadsheet to analyze our special circumstances.

The odious task of how much I should withhold for the clowns in Washington and Sacramento to waste on their nonsensical pork projects depends on a forecast of next year’s tax liabilities. I found an on-line 2009 tax estimator at the TurboTax website, so I used it to forecast how much 2010 tax I should withhold. No problem, it did that just fine.

Then I opened Pandora’s Box - I doodled in the numbers for our 2009 return which I haven’t started.

OH SHIT!

Nothing like seeing a preview of the tax bite to blow away any holiday spirit I might have had. Oh well, I’ll just re-watch Bad Santa - some gratuitous blue humor dressed as the holiday spirit should lift mine.

By the way, the little TaxCaster® thingy is handy and easy to use. The image above is clickable for a close-up.

This week the weather has been less than optimum in our part of the planet. There are lots of things that I need to do around here, but many of those activities require better weather for working outside. So, with a little time on my hands, I have been doing some nerdy scripting stuff that involves content on the web pages here and on the family website. It’s formally called Dynamic HyperText Markup Language programming (DHTML), but includes a host of content engines such as Java, JavaScript, AJAX, Flash™, PHP (hypertext preprocessor) and a number of other DHTML content enablers.

The clock widget above shows the date and time according to your computer. It also appears near the bottom of the left sidebar.

The fruits of all the recent nerdiness can be seen in recent content here:

• Countdown to Election Day, a post with a dynamic NASA-style countdown to next election day
• Sidebar widget showing the number of days left for the Obamination (look left)
• A detailed years/months/days/hours/minutes/seconds Obamination countdown

All of the above are adaptations from Flash™ animations and scripts I have used in the past, both professionally and for personal web content.

Here’s an example. I wrote a script to randomly display some quotes from one of my favorite movies, “Blazing Saddles.” Refresh your browser to get the next random quote.

By the way, if you’re viewing this site with an RSS reader, some of the DHTML may not appear.

Since retiring a couple months ago, we have been looking into the possibility of relocating. Our criteria for selecting a new location include, but are not limited to, the following.

1. the Utah CCW permit is honored and RKBA is not in danger
2. a reasonable climate
3. lower taxes
4. good home value vs. price
5. a place that satisfies the Better Half’s on the map* criteria

To satisfy criteria 1-3 the answer is simple: anywhere in the Southwest except California. Number 4 is not so simple, so I have been analyzing some of the real estate data found at real estate sites on the internet.

The composite graph below comes from data found at eppraisal.com. These three markets, from top to bottom are located in rural Arizona, suburban Arizona and Southern Taxifornia. Note the vertical scale on the top two is four times (or so) that of the bottom one giving the illusion of less market fluctuation on the bottom one versus the top two - the fluctuations are, indeed, comparable.

Looking at the home values where we live vs. either of the two other places, we’re in a pretty good position. Fortunately, it seems that we should be able to pay off our mortgage balance and have enough equity to make a very sizable down payment on a new residence.

* Now, when it comes to satisfying the Better Half’s criteria, she says that in order for a place to be “on the map,” it has to have a Wal-Mart and a Cabela’s within a 20 minute drive. All other goods and services will be available in such an environment.

The market in the top graph is just beyond the 20 minute drive requirement, but may have the redeeming quality of less expensive real estate to offset that minor shortcoming. We will see.

So, having set forth the requirements, we can now continue with the planning process. The next trade study will be whether to buy or build a new home, which we will have to completely furnish, so the cost of a home becomes a very important criterion.

Analysis to paralysis - just like at the aerospace mill before I retired. The only difference is now I’m my own customer.

In retirement, I continue to regularly communicate with my former colleagues - one of them sent me this tongue-in-cheek overview of retirement relocation options in an email today. If you find any of this politically incorrect - well - see the disclaimer in the sidebar.

You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where…

1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You’ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can retire to California where…

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

You can retire to New York City where…

1. You say “the city” and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is “nature.”
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You’ve worn out a car horn.. (ed note if you have a car).
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can retire to Maine where…

1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. Every compass direction is “Down East.”
6. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can retire to the Deep South where…

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. “Y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is plural.
3. “He needed killin’” is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either “in yonder,” “over yonder” or “out yonder.” It’s important to know the difference, too.
6. The 4 seasons are: cold, cool and humid, warm and humid, sweltering heat and humidity.

You can retire to Colorado where…

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
5. You need supplemental oxygen when you shovel the snow.
6. The 3 seasons are: warm and pleasant, cold, bitterly cold.

You can retire to the Midwest where…

1. You’ve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: “Where’s my coat at? “
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, “It was different!”
6. The 4 seasons are cold, floods, tornadoes and hot.

AND You can retire to Florida where..

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind — even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
6. The 3 seasons are: warm and humid, hot and humid, severe weather storms.

I haven’t been on-topic with regard to the pro-second-amendment stance of this blog. I blame distractions such as my recent retirement, a subsequent venture into Arizona and the beginning of our efforts to fix-up and sell our home. We have a lot of ’stuff’ we need to do. The purging of the junk has begun.

Today, we took some old electronics (surround-sound, tape deck, VCR we no longer use) and donated them to a nearby charity thrift shop. I spent a couple hours dismantling the old setup including removing all the old cables and hookups behind the furniture and electronics stuff. We’re going to do a lot more dismantling too, since the ’stuff’ has been accumulating for over thirty years.

Some of the stuff I plan to sell on eBay - an old C-band satellite receiver, some old ‘ham’ radio gear and various furnishings and items that still have some value to us and, hopefully, to someone else. We’ve come a long way, but have a long way to go.

As for the 2A blogging, we’ll try a little harder to get some gun interest and RKBA topics going. We ought to be seeing some of the Chicago Gun Case happenings real soon now.

And I thought I was going to have a lot of time on my hands . . . sheesh!